I used to say that lust was my favorite emotion. I love the burn. The feeling of desire and being desired has been my preferred muse as an artist in this lifetime. The writing, dancing, creations that I bring to life when i’m burning alive are my all time favorites.
“Liberate”. Puerto Rico, 2023 via Flash The Abyss
But oh how it burns. Not only lust in general, but unrequited lust specifically. When only one end of the candle is on fire.
It dawned on me that in the process of desiring and manifesting more lust in my life, that I had grown to more closely identify a preferred emotion to lust; satisfaction. Feeling seen, feeling heard, being met in the fire, water, earth, or fresh air of a shared passion.
I believe sex is the opposite of death. And I don’t just mean intercourse for the purpose of procreation. I mean that I never feel more alive than when my senses are stimulated and my sexuality feels activated. Outside of sex itself, the erotic to me equates life force itself. Vitality.
Trust, I am not one of those spiritual teachers who will insist that will dissuade you or try to convince you not to find transcendence in sex. Quite the contrary. I say go for it if its your thing. The closest thing to divinity in this lifetime for me personally has been the sensation of dissolving into orgasm at the spot where my cervix very clearly becomes the celestial planes themselves.
To say I love sex is an understatement. I might live for it. “And I’m not sorry, its human nature”, as Madonna explains. I too, have no remorse. Apart from the occasional remainders of Catholic guilt leftover in my subconscious, I am far from apologizing. I have purposefully cleansed puritanical rhetoric from my mind, body, and spirit regularly, ritually, aggressively, compassionately over time. And yet still, certain shame mired thoughts will arise and cause anxiety. That is, until I realize that the fundamentals of said belief are reasonings I don’t subscribe anymore. Then and only then, am I able to return to center.
When I think about the erotic charge within me, the metaphor that comes to my mind’s eye most is that of a gushing waterfall. I can relate to the wildness, the urgency, the overflow. Choosing alternatives to monogamy in recent years, has been a step in my untaming. A major part of my claiming and reclaiming the abundantly sexual being that I am. A being who defaulted to monogamy for a time but who always knew that it was not her final destination.
My sexuality is simply nature, as is yours. This core understanding grounds me again and again as I am confronted by the insidious, ever pervasive existence of puritanical rhetoric that says that anything to do with the carnal is evil, wrong, sinful. Unsubscribe, unfollow, thumbs down. I can’t express enough how infuriating I find these ideas and how often they are baked into modern realms of the new age, spiritual, embodiment, empowerment, sensuality platforms. I’m entirely allergic and can sniff the bullshit from miles away by now. I would link to a viral video I once made addressing this, what I call “Spiritual Slut- Shaming” but Instagram made it unavailable without warning which leads me to believe that it was offending a fair amount of people enough to “report” me rather than dare to have a dialogue. I also had an overflow of DMs and re-shares expressing gratitude for identifying an undercurrent of slut- shaming I was not alone in witnessing. Instead I’lll share a recent article where I address firsthand discrimination as a stripper within the empowerment industry if you’re curious about what I mean.
These antiquated belief systems have adverse effects on all of us within this society. No one gets to escape the impact of these patriarchal underpinnings. What we can do is be aware of them. And we can intentionally decide that they will not dictate how we live our lives. To the best of our ability of course while acknowledging that the reality of our society exists outside of ourselves and does its best to suppress eroticism for ertocism’s sake outside of capitalistic and traditional paradigms in which cis heterosexual males do not have the reigns or the benefits (check out my podcast episode on Wet A$$ Pxssy Power).
I return to my personal relationship with lust. Sometimes it has been unhealthy. Sometimes it has bordered on obsession- as in I’ve been so horny that there is dick in my third eye. Its dickstracting. I first discovered this sexual frustration in my early teen years. Attending an all girls catholic school where I was entirely isolated from the opposite sex and inundated with messages of carnal sin, sex was all i could think about. My desire drove me crazy and there was no outlet in sight.
I embarked on a journey that brings me to modern day, an ongoing research project. How do I live with this erotic abundance and the depths of my desires that exist within me? Not just tolerate it. Not keep calm and carry on. But to LIVE with it. To indulge, explore, unleash, untame, make love to this part of myself. To set my erotic nature free. That is, whether I am with a partner(s) or not.
I have committed to nourishing and nurturing this part of myself on a daily and ongoing basis because this is when I feel most in tune with spirit and with my own delicious depths.
Allow me to distill the top 3 Ways to Liberate Your Erotic Nature based on what I have discovered:
Ritual
Community
Art
RITUAL
I define ritual as a recurring activity that is intentionally crafted or time that is carved out to nurture a physical, mental, spiritual, sexual element in oneself. It is an act or state of being that reinforces a state, belief, or way of being. Ritual is the foundation of any and all of my Pussy Empowered offerings. When we carve out time for ritual in our daily, weekly, monthly lives, we strengthen neural pathways, encourage behaviors or nourish parts of ourselves that need nourishing. Creating intentional time to fan the flames of my erotic nature, safe space to explore, and to feed my sexual desires does wonders for my mental, emotional, physical state. The nourishing chemicals of pleasure make me feel good. The embodiment clears my mind. The attention to my pussy enhances circulation and makes me feel physically grounded in my pelvic bowl/ sacral chakra. Ritual is active resistance to the narratives that we face day in and out through media, perspectives of family or friends, religion etc. It gives us a safe space to explore our sexuality for ourselves, on our own terms, and to develop an authentic connection with what’s true for us in our bodies. There is no one size fits all ritual, however there are many rituals I have developed and share in my virtual and in person offerings for cultivating your eroticism- you can explore them a la carte or as part of my virtual membership here.
2. Community
Exploring ritual within a supportive, sex positive community can be incredibly healing. Many of us feel alone in our desires, wants, needs. This can be very isolating and maddening to feel that we are the only ones, or that no one understands us. When we join in community and share our individual experiences, we realize that often our burdens in acceptance, embodiment, and/or expression of eroticism are not our own faults or individual issues. They are often much bigger than us. Systemic, cultural, societal, ancestral. This perspective opens a sense of ease and compassion for ourselves wherever we are on the journey of reclamation. Joining in safe spaces for exploration gives us an intentional setting to look within and connect with our own truth while feeling inspired and supported by one another. One of the biggest reflections I’ve received from sharing my own erotic embodiment and expression and something we practice with and reflect on in Pussy Empowered Dance Class is that seeing one another express gives such permission to whoever is witnessing to awaken that within themselves. Desiring community?
3. Art
On my personal journey of processing, exploring, digesting, reclaiming my right to exist as an erotic being, art has been paramount. Unleashing my creativity has allowed me to translate what lives inside of me in a digestible way that keeps these energies flowing rather than stagnant and stuck within me “threatening the life it belongs to”.* Really, pouring any emotion into art has been a life raft for me since I was a kid. Since before I had words for it, pouring my erotic energy into art has been such a source of satisfaction and healing. Writing, dancing, choreographing, performing and now creating music have been outlets for me to channel this larger than life energy that courses through my veins at any given moment.
My second song, Como Un Animal, was a milestone for me in setting my erotic expression free on a whole ‘nother level. Using my voice to express myself erotically via covering and reconstructing a song that resonated, but creating a version that spoke to my own experience with vulnerability, intensity, submission and raw desire was a project that challenged and excited me. I love the finished song and feel like it exactly expressed what I was desiring to express- there it is, satisfaction!
I have been deeply inspired by erotic art and artists who have dared to explore sexuality as a theme in their work even against the odds when it was/is considered taboo or dangerous. Some of my favorites are Madonna, Janet Jackson, Jacq the Stripper, Alpha Channeling. This taboo and danger is not a thing of the past. It remains baked into today’s landscape ridden with conservatism and censorship of anything remotely sexual. I myself encounter this shadowbanning and censoring on a daily if not weekly basis as I stand my ground on social media platforms, within the entertainment industry and beyond. (Check out this PLAYlist devoted to L.U.S.T featuring some of these boundary breaking artists).
Enjoy this PLAYlist I made. Listen on Spotify.
Warning: may result in extreme horniness!
It is not an easy world to express in as an erotic being. But, it is far harder for me personally to deny this part of myself. I refuse. And here, I must share a piece of writing I resonate with deeply the words of Audre Lorde** from her essay, “The Uses of Erotic as Power”,
“...when we begin to live from within outward, in touch with the power of the erotic within ourselves, and allowing that power to inform and illuminate our actions upon the world around us, then we begin to be responsible to ourselves in the deepest sense. For as we begin to recognize our deepest feelings, we begin to give up, of necessity, being satisfied with suffering, and self-negation, and with the numbness which so often seems like the only alternative in our society. Our acts against oppression become integral with self, motivated and empowered from within.
In touch with the erotic, I become less willing to accept powerlessness, or those other supplied states of being which are not native to me, such as resignation, despair, self-effacement, depression, self-denial. “ -Audre Lorde
Here’s to cultivating a healthy relationship with our eroticism, lust, and satisfaction. An ongoing and deeply rewarding journey.
If you are desiring to explore this topic further, here are some ways to do so:
Join me upcoming FREE Masterclass: Fan Your Flames: 3 Ways to Liberate Your Erotic Nature
Join Pussy Empowered Virtual Membership for more musings on my erotic journey in non-monogamy and as a stripper, rituals, community, courses, live classes, erotic art including writing, visual, video and more.
Join me for an upcoming Pussy Empowered Dance Class or Pussy Empowered Performance Class Virtually, in LA, or elsewhere. Upcoming.
