I’m Latinx from the Bronx. My immediate family is every shade of skin tone. My ethnicity is a complex and intricate weaving of histories that span across the globe including Puerto Rico, Panama, and Mexico. I may or may not be white passing depending on who you talk to and I refused to answer the census question on race: black or white? Clearly I’m neither, I thought. I cling to my tan as if my identity itself fades with each winter.
But being Latinx isn’t about my skin tone. My experience moving through the world hasn’t been about my skin tone either. And that, is privilege. Growing up, my family didn’t talk about race, as if it didn’t exist. It didn’t seem to exist, for those of us who are lighter skinned… how convenient, I think now.
I’m gonna share an uncomfortable truth here. Until a few weeks ago, I could not see my role in the conversation on race. My own identity often feeling slippery, I wasn’t considering the ways racism has been internalized within me and within all of us. Truly I had not accepted what has become so clear to me these last few weeks:
“You’re either racist or anti-racist.”
As I took this week listening, going within, and addressing this issue head on, I felt guilt and shame. I came across this description: “indulgence in emotional incapacitation such as guilt”, as a symptom of white fragility in the book White Fragility by Robert Diangelo. I still haven’t scratched the surface of this book but what I’ve already come to terms with: you don’t have to be white in order to experience white fragility or white privilege. And furthermore, believing you are not racist is not helpful in dismantling racism. Nor is being defensive.
The bottom line is that we must all do our part in dismantling racism without and within- especially non-Black individuals. And I am just beginning my journey towards understanding what that really means. So I stand before you with a promise to myself, and my community, that I am committing to becoming actively anti-racist. And I am inviting you on this journey with me.
Here is how I am taking action and some ways you can too:
I’ve taken the Anti-Racist Small Business Pledge
Rachel Rogers, CEO of Hello Seven and my cherished current business coach, led a powerful Town Hall last week for Small Business owners to reflect on their business practices. She invited us to take action in the form of pledging publicly to practically outlined objectives that will create tangible change. Over 20,000 people have watched this Town Hall thus far and the viewers and signatures continue to grow. At the end of the Town Hall, we were invited to sign a public document stating our commitment which I have personally signed.
One of the biggest takeaways that spoke to me at the particular moment of watching: “You.Will.Fuck.Up”- Ericka Hines. I am committed to being a part of change and accepting that I will fuck up along the way. I am sure you will witness me fuck up and I humbly ask you to confront me when you do.
Healing Racial Trauma
As I said earlier, this moment in time has truly been a wake up call to how racism lives within, whether consciously or not. It lives in all of us. It is not always conscious. But it lives in our blood, our ancestry, our herstory.
I personally feel connected to the discussion of ancestry and my femininity. But when it comes to race, I realize I’ve been lacking in my exploration. There will always be more to explore.
Last week I took a workshop called Healing Racial Trauma by Milagros Phillips. I almost didn’t go because I wasn’t sure it applied to me. Wow was I wrong. This workshop opened my eyes wide to the history of racism and how it shows up in each of our herstories whether we are aware of it or not. The somatic exercise we did to experience where racism lives in our bodies was deeply awakening. I couldn’t recommend taking this comprehensive, and very affordable workshop enough.
Join Milagros Phillips in her ongoing workshop series taking place every Monday.
Decolonizing my Bookshelf
In my last blog post, 8 Pussy Empowered Books That Changed My Life, I was shocked to realize that the majority of the books I listed were written by white women. WTF?! I was appalled to realize that in my belief in intersectional feminism, I’ve been leaving out a whole lot of intersection in my studies. My studies around femininity have been centered on white cis femininity. And without ever realizing it, I have been leaving out the exploration of the intersection of femininity with even my own heritage. Even though I have a BA minor in Hispanic Studies and my own lived experiences to reflect on, I have seldom read books about femininity from the perspective of Latinx authors. Unfortunately I have read a few that have been written from the white male gaze like the horrible book I was once asked to review: Why Latinas Get the Guy, I not so politely declined. (DO NOT read this book).
So what am I doing about it? I am committing to reading more books and research by BIPOC authors. Here’s whats first on my list:
Currently Reading: The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor
Next Up: Pleasure Activism by Adrienne Maree Brown
&Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Wisdom of Plants by Robin Wall Kimmerer
Also reading White Fragility by Robin Diangelo.
Decolonizing my Craft
This ties into decolonizing my bookshelf but goes a layer deeper. I teach what I know about Pussy Empowerment from the lens of my lived experience and also as a trained anthropologist. And I am admitting that there is much for me to learn. I will never know it all but I will continue to educate myself to the best of my abilities.
Most present for me right now is on the topic of twerking. Many of you have asked that I teach a workshop on twerking. Out of respect to the art form, I have refrained from teaching one off classes on twerking. And even in my 6 week container, I have learned that there is much more to explore if I am to truly do justice to the teaching of twerking. I am committed to honoring each and every art form I perform and teach, by continuing my education and assuring that neither I, nor my students participate in appropriation, but rather learn to appreciate responsibly and with a thorough education.
I am currently learning from Fannie Sosa via her Patreon where she creates Pleasurable Anti-Colonial Strategies + Black Power Naps and shares wisdom from her PhD entitled Twerk/Torque: Anti Colonial Strategies for Thriving and Surviving in Web 2.0 Times.
I am also exploring the work of ethnomusicologist & social activist Kyra D. Gaunt who specializes in the study of twerking.
Alchemizing Emotions
Above I shared a symptom of white fragility as an overindulgence in emotions such as guilt and shame. There is also a known freeze response or paralysis aka not knowing what to do in moments like this current moment in time. I believe for a lot of womxn, (and this is not exclusive to womxn but womxn are the center point of my work), we feel massive shame around emotions at large. Told from a young age that our anger is not lady like, that our sadness is overindulgent, that our feelings are inconvenient and our pain a sign of weakness. I do not subscribe to this belief although it sometimes still lives inside of me in the form of self-judgment. I believe it is important to feel our emotions at this time (and always) so that we may have the opportunity to alchemize them, as I teach in my framework.
My first teacher in this was Regena Thomasheur aka Mama Gena and I continue to learn from her and gather in the community that she has created to participate in her technologies. In her current FREE 4 week Sisterhood Swamp Series she invites us all to bring our emotions to the surface so that we may activate this realm of our power and alchemize them The series has brought in Black guest teachers, activists and speakers to share their expertise and modalities for anti-racism. This is where I was first introduced to the work of the aforementioned Milagros Philips.
6. Starting From HERE.
Like I mentioned earlier, I am committed to doing what it takes to dismantle racism within myself, in my business, and beyond. In addition to the obvious: taking actions to support the Black Lives Matter movement such as signing petitions, making donations, making phone calls, and joining peaceful protests, I invite you to join me in examining your art, work, platform, lifestyle and see where you can take steps towards becoming anti-racist. Creating change in our industries and lifestyles is a very important part of this puzzle. YOU can impact change. YOU are powerful. And we must start from where we are.
If you are still asking yourself where to begin, Empress Lizzy Jeff’s Weekend Intensive for Allies Seeking Guidance and Justice is an amazing place to start.
There is much work to do and I am making my promise to you that I will be over here expanding to the best of my ability. I hope that you too are feeling ready to anchor into your own power and take responsibility for your role in dismantling racism. Because,
We must do better.
In support of a safe, just world for Black individuals around the world to live in and honoring the memories of the Black individuals who have been murdered in recent days and weeks alone:
Oluwatoyin Salau, 19
Dominique "Rem'mie" Fells, 27
Riah Milton, 25
Breonna Taylor, 26
Robert Fuller, 23
and George Floyd, 46
Black Lives Matter.
Black Girls Matter.
Black Trans Lives Matter.
All Black Lives Matter.
Thank you for witnessing my commitment.
Please leave a comment below to let me know the first action step you are taking. Let’s hold one another accountable.